It’s been a while since I’ve written one of these ones, so I figured it was time to share with you what’s been going on at the other side of this screen. The short version: it’s been a bumpy ride – as always – but right now I’m doing quite well. The long version follows right now, so make yourself a nice and warm cup of tea, and settle in.
Are you ready? Good. The past months I’ve been dealing with a topic that surfaces every so often: letting go of expectations. Not of others – I’ve learned that a long time ago – but the ridiculously high expectations I have of myself. Although I do know that I should be kind to myself and limit my to-do lists to a maximum of three to five items a day (including taking care of myself, so cooking and taking a shower are already two items), every so often I fall back into my own toxic thoughts where I start believing that I should be able to put ten to fifteen items on my list. And for a while I manage, but then I burn out. So, that happened between #9 and #10. On more than one occasion.
The only way out is to be kind with myself, clear my schedule for several weeks, sleep and bath a lot, and find things to do so I get out of my head. For me it always helps – and I do know this, but I won’t allow myself to make time for it – to go outside, and walk. Sometimes just for ten minutes, other times for several hours. By now, I’m trying to make it a habit to go to a forest once a week, which is much easier to do since I have my driver’s license. And other days I just walk around my neighbourhood, or go to the garden and sit there for a while. And in addition to that I found something else to get out of my head: watercolour. Not that I’m a massive talent, but just putting brush to paper, painting blobs and flowers, calms my ever racing mind. And it’s fun to see my progress over time.